I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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