Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
