you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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