Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
