Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
