yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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