So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
