so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
operation harelip BJ is a go
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
