Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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