Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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