Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think my moral compass just broke
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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