i need an iv and a liver transplant
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
