I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
