Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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