why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
