i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
