sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
