I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
