And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
