Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
