Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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