God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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