I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
