Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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