look no pants
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
