kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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