clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
