1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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