You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
