I hate all girls vehemently.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
