You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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