those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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