I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
