marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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