I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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