Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
