My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
