how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
