I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
