I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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