You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
