the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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