if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
