It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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