Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You are the jesus of drinking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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