mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
