and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
