one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
