Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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