you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
