....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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