I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
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No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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