oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
