I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
should my penis look like a turkey
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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