omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
