try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
