Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
