just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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