I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
