I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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