just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize