Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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