Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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