Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I could fuck to npr.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
